Being Kind to Yourself When Things Don’t Go As Planned
Photo by Alex Green from Pexels
Most of us had dreams and goals for this pandemic year that just didn’t happen. Was there a big project you wanted to get done, or maybe a personal goal you set for yourself that you weren’t able to reach? You might be feeling pretty bad about not meeting the numbers or not getting the thing done. But that’s no reason to beat yourself up about it. After all, you’re the one who gets to define success for yourself in your own life.
This year especially, we have to be gentle with ourselves and let go of our harsh self-judgment. Let’s take a closer look at the things we’ve been thinking of as failures.
First of all, was it really a failure? Whether you had a business venture or a personal relationship that didn’t work out, be kind to yourself. Sometimes things just don’t work out. And chances are that you learned a lot about yourself along the way.
Were your goals too high? If you set impossible goals for yourself, it’s no wonder that you didn’t make it. For example, did you set a goal of reading 100 books and now you know you won’t make it? Look back at previous years and how many books you read in those years. Set your new, more realistic goal based on that: maybe 50 books if you read 40 last year. Setting yourself an unattainable goal isn’t encouraging.
It’s okay to fail. This is a tough one. Our society is so obsessed with success that we forget failure is its twin. Without failure, there’s no success. Anyone who’s never failed at anything has never stretched themselves or tried to grow. Failure’s not a dirty word. It’s part of growth.
Would you talk to a friend like this? Suppose a friend came to you feeling heartbroken over not reaching a goal. You wouldn't tell them they were worthless or a failure. So don’t do that to yourself! These days especially, it’s vital to forgive yourself, love yourself, and give yourself space to feel all of your feelings and mourn over what you lost or didn’t get to achieve. Then you can put the failure behind you and think about successes for the new year.
You may not be aware of it, but you are growing and changing every day. It’s okay to stumble and fall along the path of life, because that means you were trying new things. Face each challenge with the knowledge that you may not be excellent at it the first time you try, but you will learn and adapt and grow. Live proudly and fully, try new things, and give yourself grace along the way.